


He’s Kinda Hot in a Cringe Way

by Monsters_and_Matsu



Category: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Comedy, Devotion, Eldritch Benrey, F/M, Human/Monster Romance, Making Out, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Porn, Praise Kink, Sex, Voice Kink, Xenophilia, sharp teeth, shitpost taken seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:28:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27217927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsters_and_Matsu/pseuds/Monsters_and_Matsu
Summary: Have you ever wanted to have a one-night stand with Benry?Well, uh. H...Here you go.Benry and you are both silly nerds and that's a good thing. Reader gender ambiguous but female. Many descriptions are left open-ended for reader headcanons. Every idea I get is like a brain worm and I have to make it exist no matter what it is.
Relationships: Benrey (Half-Life)/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	He’s Kinda Hot in a Cringe Way

**Author's Note:**

> Also penis in vagina sex.

You met him at the mall trying to break into one of the claw machines in the lobby. 

“I’m a big fan of the Black Mesa incident vlog videos. I’ve rewatched them a few times and your jokes always get me.” You tell him.

“Oh yeah?” He’s already gotten a handful of candy, a weird eye popper toy and a tiny finger skateboard from another machine. He’s skating it along the glass while talking. He seems much more invested in it than your conversation. 

“Do you have like. A hammer. Maybe one of those...” He smacks his lips. “Emergency window breaker tools? I really want one of these.”

The machine is full of minecraft plushies. You strike up a conversation about the recent events, telling him about the shock you felt when minecraft was added to super smash brothers.

He rebuttals with how he’s not really a nintendo fanboy. Happily telling you about his favorite hidden gems on the playstation 3. He’s a bit of a master on all the underrated titles like Heavenly Sword, Untold Legends: Dark Kingdom and Wet. None of that crap Feetman is into, his tastes in games are garbage.

You have never heard of these games let alone played them. The conversation screeches to a halt. But you’re desperate to be friends with this weird gray man.

“I um... have this.” You slide your bag off and unhook a plastic keychain you got for a dollar in a hot topic mystery bag.

Benry puts his hand out and takes a look at the cheap plastic figure. “Mrn... zombie is like, the worst character...” He mumbles. But he still twirls the keychain around with interest.

You agree, zombie has a very simple and bland design so it was kind of disappointing to get it compared to the possible wolf or enderman offered on the package. “You can keep it if you want.” 

He finally looks at you straight on and meets eyes. Though his expression was unchanging and stoic, he seems pleased. He hooks the zombie on his sweatpants’ loop.

“So like.” Benry shoved his hands in his pockets, “Wanna get some Carl's Jr and play some video games later?”

You light up starstruck. What a mediocre way to spend an afternoon! But it didn’t matter because you liked doing shit like this. Plus, it was with one of your favorite internet stars no less.

With an obvious yes, Benry gives you a quick upwards head movement in approval. “Cool.”

You spend the rest of the day getting to follow Benry around while he seems to waste time in the mall. You get fast food together and stand next to him eagerly as he stares at the menu for what seems like ages. Humming and changing his mind twelve times before ordering. Irritating the rushing people in line immensely.

There’s lots of laughter as he bounces jokes and silly logic off you. Trying to gaslight you into thinking he owns the pop-up booth selling meme shirts to telling you carl’s jr has a whole secret menu with insane items. Even times when his tone is harsh, the things he says are so ridiculous that it makes you double over like gordon did so many times in those videos. This guy was too much and you adored it.

You can tell he’s enjoying your company too. There are moments he cracks a smile or tries to stifle his own giggles from your reactions. It makes your heart skip a beat that you’re able to break through that cold blank exterior from time to time.

Leaving the mall he pulls out the candy that he stole and pops like 4 in his mouth at once. “Want some?” He offers through loud crunches, destroying the jolly ranchers with little effort.

You nod taking some and are surprised seeing it is indeed all hard candies. You’re a little impressed... If you tried grinding through all that candy at once, you’d probably chip a tooth. He must have a strong jaw...

When you look back up, Benry is gone. Oh no-

“Yo.”

You turn around and you see him sitting on top the roof of a cart return awning.

“You wanna come to my place still?”

He smacks his lips waiting for an answer.

* * *

You accompany Benry to his apartment. The man cave that screams single as a pringle. It’s messy but not in a gross or stinky way. It’s all very peculiar just like the man you know and love.

The clothes that are scattered about are fresh as if newly washed, a pile of empty soda cans is stacked up in a pyramid in the corner, the sink is completely empty but you see him open a cabinet and there’s nothing inside it.

You find everything very strange. Immediately, you noticed the big collection of playstation games. A whole cd rack and more jumbled around the television. When you glance through them though, there are no popular mainstream titles.

“You really do know your video games, huh?” You comment.

He grinned a toothy sharp smile, now seeing clearly for the first time his monsterish pointed set of chompers, “I know all the best games and I’m a master at all of them~”

You shrug your shoulders a bit and eyes widen noticing that sexy smile, but you try to stay on topic. “O-oh, please. Show me your favorites.”

He picked out a few games lying next to the system, turned on his flat screen and booted up the combat game with big tittied women that’s already in there.

“Pretty sweet, right?”

Yeah, you had to agree, badass half naked ladies and muscular weapon slinging men were pretty epic. The two of you do this for a while, watching him play and taking a couple of turns yourself. Even trying some co-op where you both die right away.

He’s cool through all of it until one instant of lag or a sniper sends him whining, “Come oooon duuude. Man this is so unfair. Did you see that?”

Heh, you can’t help but smile and nod adding onto his rant. It was cute when he showed emotion, it actually brought color and life to that drab dull face. It was hard to tell just how old he was with a look like his, but he was definitely older than you. By a couple of years or a decade was hard to tell. But his personality was youthful and carefree in comparison. You liked all these things about him.

“Here, you play.” He gives you the controller needing to cool down. You’re a little nervous to take over his spot in another game you never played. But it’s easy to laugh at yourself when he teases everyone also playing. It was like having your own personal commentator.

It makes the game so much more fun being able to draw humor from it. Yet, it does become a little boring dying again and again. You rub your eye and take a break in the game’s lobby, unsure of just how long you’ve been hanging out. It must of become evening as the daylight started to fade, you spent the whole day with your idol... what a dream.

“Hey.”

You turn your head to Benry hearing him.

He’s munching on some chips and sticks another one in his mouth, “You wanna make out?”

Ah- did you hear him right? You stare at each other for a second.

“Oh funny, you’re doing that thing you do with Gordon haha.” You say laughing softly. If he was trying to fluster you it worked.

Benry snirked, “You mean flirting? Well. Me and Feetman aren’t a thing. So... I think you’re pretty cute.”

Oh fuck, he was serious. You feel your face get red having the idea actually hit you this time. Benry really found you attractive!? This was more than a fan could ever ask for! All that time imagining what’d it be like if you could hang out with your favorite crew of pals, to socialize with your secret celebrity crush- and now he dived right into affection! Is it okay to give in?

You look at that calm smug face of his as he waits for a response, yes... You knew that you could have fun and be yourself around him.

You exchange compliments and eventually ask him to kiss you first. You never expected this day to go this way.

A ping of excitement runs through you as he tosses his snack aside and leans his hands on the back of the sofa and your thigh. Tilting his head, he kisses you hungrily, you eagerly return the smooches. You reach your hands out to touch his chest and feel up to his shoulders. Fingers crawling up to touch his hair.

He takes this as a sign that it is okay to touch you back. His hand sliding up your thigh groping around with a slight curious hum. Up it moved to your side and cupped at your chest squeezing it semi roughly, milking a groan out of you.

“Hehehm nice..” He mumbled between breaths.

Having his hands on you sent tingles up your body. He found you fun to be around and attractive and now wanted you. It was too perfect. You could live out your wildest desires right here, right now. You pull him in closer as your fingers dig into his shoulders and behind his neck.

He steps it up and gently bites your lip, you heat up feeling those pointed teeth drag across your flesh as you both broke apart. You flutter your eyes open.

“I liked that.” He stated bluntly with a big satisfied smile on his face.

You gulp. Was that all he wanted?

“Um.” You blink at him, “Do you want to have sex?”

Benry raised his brows, a noticeable tint of color finally showing up on his cheeks. 

It takes him a brief second to register what you asked, “Sure.”

You grab him by the wrists and guide his hands under your shirt, showing him exactly where you wanted to be touched. Leaning forward to kiss his jaw and neck, getting chuckles of excitement out of him.

He does the same to you, with those teeth even a nibble is enough to make you squeak.

One by one you take turns removing pieces of clothes until you both sat in your undergarments. He makes his way down your body with kisses and licks with what seemed like a longer than average tongue.

But he stopped and lifted his head, “Oh uh...” He sounded surprised but not in his own mean tone.

“What’s wrong?” You sit up concerned to see he has a little embarrassed grin on.

“I um.” He scratched his cheek thoughtfully. “I thought all humans had that dangly bit kinda similar to mine eheh..”

Dang… you’d think he’d know more as an eldritch god and all... but his upfront and unbothered attitude is what you found so attractive about him. Even if he was a big dummy.

Benry looks up at you stuck, “So uh, I was going to suck your dick but now what.”

You grin and touch his face sensually, “That’s okay, I’ll show you.”

He leans his face into your hand and you give him a tour, your underwear only hanging onto you by one leg so you can reveal yourself. 

He hums not giving you a lot of feedback. Was this too confusing for him? Would you need to take over the lead? You didn’t mind the idea of course, but it would be nice to be the one pleased-

Before you can reach a decision, Benry put his hands under your thighs and lifted them up. Forcing you to lean back. Then your face burns hot watching him press himself between them and adventurously carves his tongue around the sides of your soft flesh.

Ooh it sent shivers through your body! His tongue had an inhumanly defined texture that you could feel on every lap. He raised his brows as you wiggled and perked up when he hit the best spots.

“This isn’t so different..” You faintly hear him mumble to himself. He tries to move down further and you squeeze his head with your legs in reflex.

“Og-” He makes a silly noise being mushed.

You pull him forward a little before letting go. “This is easier.” You say laying back on the sofa and letting him lean over you. You bite your lip being in such an open position... but seeing Benry’s blushing face look over you was all the reassurance you needed. He liked that he saw.

“Nice, I can eat all I want now.” He growled in a slightly more savory tone that made you burn up. A shot of excitement smacking you as he narrowed his eyes and opened his drooling mouth. Getting a glimpse of that long tongue that had been ravishing you.

Your hands rush to his head as he shoves it in your tight entrance. You couldn’t help grabbing at him and let noises escape you as he eagerly felt around inside. It made your heart pound being teased, he wandered every nook and cranny inside and out. Hearing tiny chuckles of satisfaction from him every time you reacted for him. He loved making you twist and turn. 

The more you gave him to work with, the harder he would try to get more out of you. He wanted to hear those strained embarrassing noises that no one else got to have right now. You were trying hard not to be too loud and he so badly wanted to make you scream. So private and dirty, he fed off your small cries of enjoyment. He loved making you feel good, it made his own pants bulge with a hard-on.

You could only imagine his expression was just as sinister and lustful as his actions. Though he was a man of few explanations, it was clear he wanted to go wild. Yet he held back only for your comfort. You could feel him pressing hard into your g-spot when he lifts his head up and stops.

“Hey-” He looks at you, face a noticeable heated color and licking his lip, “All these little ridges would feel good against my cock- Can I?” 

You laugh as he sounded like he forgot he can please himself too. He even lets you pick what you want to do for protection.

You’re so riled up you can barely form a sentence and nod feverishly. This is all you wanted and you wanted it now. A thought runs through your head and you’re ecstatic to see that his dick isn’t strictly human either. It had some parts that you liked and other details that were completely new- fuck all you could think about was what was coming next _._

He moves up and puts his hands either side of you, now you both had a good view of eachother’s warm faces. You compliment him, saying how cool you think his penis is.

“Feels good too.” He bragged with half lidded eyes and a big grin, grinding it against you. The friction making a tingle stir in your loins. Even now he was toying with you, feeling it out. Testing the waters. The anticipation was killing you.

Soon he did bring a hand to his shaft and guided it into you, with a stern hip thrust it squished in making your body light up. And suddenly, Benry was quick to not waste time.

“Fuuuuuck duuude...~” His head was down watching himself as he made sure he didn’t slip out, further and further he went with each forceful hump. You could feel it right up against your insides, tickling you in ways you could only dream of. Every grind sent building waves of pleasure through you.

He gets into a rhythm and that’s when every pump starts to hit you hard, his size, his power, each peg right up to the back of your core. You melted at his shear being taking over you.

But the look on his face is what really made you unravel. When he looked up and you caught those sleepy but eager pleasure struck eyes, his mouth open as he breathed through it and his tongue peeking out.

“You feel really goood, fuck it's so good...~” He managed to say clearly before it devolved to pleased mumbles and sharp groans. Each sound from him tickled your ears. To hear his gentle plain voice be littered with those visceral masculine moans drove you crazy.

A pleasant spark to your loins, a view for your eyes, music to your ears, his smell faintly teasing you as he started to break a sweat. It all was all so pleasant.

“You like’n it? Tell me where- like this? Mph... Y-yeah that’s.. F-fucking epic~”

His smug little voice rang in your head as he slapped away to your delight.

His groans alone were almost enough to make you close to come, every vulnerable little thing you said to him was answered in a voice you never heard from Benry before. It was so sexy, a tone of cockiness and pleasure mixed into each sensual reply.

You couldn’t keep quiet anymore as his special cock racked your insides. God he was right, it felt like heaven. Cool looking and useful. Every pull and push sent pulses through you. Big, small, textured bumps, tendrils, veins, humanoid, normal, monstrous, alien, moral, godly- Whatever you preferred, Benry had it. Maybe it was a hidden eldritch power to be exactly what you wanted. It didn’t matter when it felt so goddamn amazing.

Benry leaned in even closer. His face hovering over yours as he pressed in all the way to the base, making you force a noise out. His cheeks were flushed and he looked down at you with ravenous craving eyes, licking his lips. “Oh, yeah you like that. Tell me how good it is~”

He poked the tip of his tongue out and bit it as you told him how close you were. His hot expression becomes a little more pleasure struck as he listens to you, “Ungh.. I’m gonna- soon-”

You start to feel unreasonably warm and you beg for him to bring you all the way there. Benry is enthralled by your affirmations. If you asked him to do a backflip right now, he would. He was here to please you.

He took the opportunity of being so close to give you a heated kiss before continuing to rail you.

His cold seemingly selfish attitude hid a need to be liked and bring joy to others. He cared about your opinion of him so much more than he’d ever let show. His body betrayed him and revealed his real feelings every time you told him how much you loved him, how good it felt, how your walls squeezed him as you came.

He pressed himself to you hard as he melted into an orgasm too, the once thirsty sinister expression softened into a sincerely goofy one. Completely floaty and lost with pleasure. He smacked his lips as he came to a resting smile, catching your eyes as he looked down after returning from his high. He looked genuinely happy to have shared this with you.

“Mmmm I don’t want to leaveeee...</3” He whined as he rested on top. Eventually, he would have to pull out and you sigh at the sudden emptiness.

“Oh wait- lemme get that for you.” He mumbles as he pushes your leg back as you try to sit up, knocking you back again. You’re filled with shivers and awkward groans as he gives you an extra cleaning with his tongue again.

Ough... the inner flesh was so much more sensitive after coming and you have another moment of fuzzy feelings before thanking him.

You both sit on the sofa properly and he puts his arm around you, leaning his elbow on the back of the couch. 

He lets out a breath, “I think I needed today more than I thought. Thanks.” He bumps heads gently with yours as you both chill in your underwear.

“So like, I’ll order a pizza or something if you wanna sleep over. What’s your playstation friend ID by the way?”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this entire thing to make the joke that Benry doesn't know that not everyone has a penis, thank yooooou. Goodnight.


End file.
